I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
