do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
