a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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