My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
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