Can Purell be used as lube?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
