after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
