I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
