the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
