I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
