I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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