Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
