So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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