Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
