im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
