Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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