It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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