My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
