It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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