We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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