in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
