I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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