garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
