Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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