I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
