Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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