Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
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its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize