what day is it and did you see me today?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
