When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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