be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
