If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
