I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
