Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
