Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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