ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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