i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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