My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
