She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
