I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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