Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
