My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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