How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
