apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
