I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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