Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
