Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
