if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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