He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
