singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
