If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
