i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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