I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
