So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
