Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize