guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
