I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
