oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
