he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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