Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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