dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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