Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
