We won't sleep together?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
