Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
