Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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