Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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