Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
