Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
