i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You're a waste of cheezeits
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
