Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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