3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
