I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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