My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
