I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
