im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
