6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
