No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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