i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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