We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
