You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
