Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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