Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
